• Budge

Dear January

Dear January,

No offense, but you really were a pain in the ass. Well, you were a pain in the stomach, the head, and in the heart and soul too. You tried to break me, and to be honest, you almost did. Not only did you try to completely destroy my life personally, but you also damaged the lives of so many people worldwide with your fires, your sickness, your violence, and your tragic accidents. You left a generation without a hero, and you left countless individuals without the ones they loved most. You crushed us, and you tried your best to bring us to our knees, but we won’t let that happen. I experienced some of the longest and most painful days imaginable with you. Some of the darkest, most miserable nights that I could never wish on my worst enemy were experienced during the time that we spent together. I thought you were trying to kill me. It is possible, however, that I was misunderstanding you all along. Maybe you weren’t trying to kill me at all. Maybe you were reminding me just how strong I am, while showing how strong my family and the others in our community are when we come together. You wanted to show us just how far we could bend without breaking, and how much hurt we could feel without experiencing death, just to know we can make it through. You were teaching us all along, weren’t you? Well, I do appreciate it, but I have a few words for you, if you don’t mind me expressing a bit.

Jan – it’s cool if I call you Jan, right? I mean, after all that we’ve been through I feel like it’s quite noble of me to not just call you Asshole. Anyways, I digress. We started off real cool, you and I. New Years was the best of all time, and the year was looking promising. And when you dropped cancer off at my doorstep, I must admit I was pretty shook. You took most of my stomach with you, and you devastated and intruded my body with more tubes than I could have ever dreamed. You did take that cancer with you. Well, you took most of it, so that’s a plus. I cried more during our time together than I have in my 27-year career of living, and trust me, I’m a sap. I felt pain that I never knew possible. You broke me down, beat me up, and at times you made me feel like the light at the end of the tunnel was dimmer than it had ever been. I don’t mean to make you sound too terrible, because there were some highlights in our time together and it wasn’t all bad, so please don’t take this too personal. I know I certainly didn’t, and I hope that one day we can move past this and be cool. Seriously.

Remember that fire that was once burning inside me, hotter and brighter than anything known to man? Well, for some time, it had been getting smaller and smaller. Then you came along and doused me with rocket fuel, creating an energy that was previously unfathomable. You brought my community together around me and allowed me to give and receive the truest and most genuine love imaginable. You showed myself and my tribe that we have the power to overcome any obstacle thrown our way, simply because we have each other. You showed me that even in the face of death, we won’t blink. Backing down never has been an option, and you only reinforced that idea with an unprecedented strength. You built me up even higher than I could have ever built up myself alone, and with the strength of the love behind and within me, we are stronger than ever. You brought my family and my loved ones together, and you reminded us just how precious this delicate flower of life really is. Thank you.

Jan, you inspired me to live even truer than I ever have before and love deeper than I ever imagined. Two things I didn’t think were possible. You reminded me it’s not about how hard you fall, it’s about the fact that you’re willing to get back up. You brought back a mojo that I’ve been missing for a while. You brought me even closer to the person I plan to share my life with, and you brought my family closer than ever. I think I owe you one, my friend. It was fun while it lasted, Jan, but I’m glad we parted ways. Thanks for everything, it’s been real.



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Ma-lig-nant /məˈliɡnənt/

- (adjective) malevolent. (of a disease) very virulent or infectious. As silly as it may sound, I had no idea what that word meant until January 10th of this year. It's been 5 months (and one day) sin

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