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0-100, real quick

Things got pretty real, pretty quick for us earlier this year, and you never flinched once. It still feels like just yesterday you were holding my hand in the recovery room after my endoscopy when we got the news. 4 months, 4 rounds of chemotherapy, 1 surgery, 100 gallons of tears and 1,000 smiles later; we’re still kicking ass. I am so incredibly proud of the strength that you have shared with me, and beyond grateful for the love that you’ve poured into my life every second that I’ve been lucky enough to share with you. Only you are capable of taking this incredibly tragic situation that we’ve been dealt and turning some of these moments into the greatest memories I have in my life. It takes a special kind of person to be able to make that kind of impact on another’s life, and that is just the impact you have on mine. Your spirit is pure and you inspire me every single day. For that, among so many other wonderful things that make you, you, I am eternally grateful. You make me so happy it hurts. So much to the point where in your absence, I feel it in my body and my soul. We still have a long way to go, and there will certainly be more obstacles along the way, but I wouldn’t want to take another step without you by my side. You are the one and only person on this planet who can make me feel the way you do, and the fact that I get to call you my wife - my partner for life- melts me in my core.

Your compassion for others, your intelligence, your kindness and willingness to help anyone at any time that you can are just a few of the things that are just so damn attractive. Combine your ridiculously beautiful soul with that gorgeous smile and dynamite body of yours, and we’ve got ourselves an angel walking amongst us. At least to me, that is exactly what you are in my world. The universe created you specifically to combine your soul with mine, and so we could share this miracle of life together, one step at a time. You have shown me undying love and support every step of the way in this thing, and for that I could never truly express with words how grateful I am. Thank goodness I have you on the hook for the rest of our lives, so I can show you everyday just how deep the roots of my love for you run. There’s really nothing I enjoy quite like putting a smile on your face. I know that things are tough, but we’re almost there, and there’s such brighter days ahead. Besides, for the massive shit storm that 2020 has brought into our lives, I would say we’re doing alright. If this is a preview of how we’re going to handle business in our future, then we are going to do pretty damn well with this “life” thing.

I needed to take a moment to put some of these thoughts down, because they’re constantly filling my head and I figured someone else could appreciate my sappiness. Some people go their entire lives without experiencing what you’ve filled my life with at the ripe age of 27. If that isn’t something to be pumped about, then I’m not sure what the hell to be excited for. Your life and mine, panned out just the way they needed to for us to be where we are. At a few points, things were looking a little sketch, but I made it to you. I must have a guardian angel, because not only am I alive, but I am alive and married to the most phenomenal human being that I’ve ever met. Did I mention how sexy you are too? Oh my. Anyways, what I was saying was that I love you. I appreciate you, and I am so here for you as you are for me. You have made my life more complete than it was before, and I had a pretty good thing going before you came along. You took that “pretty good” and you turned it into the happiest fucking show on the planet. You made my life infinitely better, and for the rest of my days, I want only to do that for you.

I know that loving me can have it’s difficult moments; we’re Budgells, it’s how we roll. I know that these past couple months have been the craziest times we’ve ever been through. Not once have you made me feel as though you weren’t fully committed to making it to the other side of this with me. Even when I’m down in the dumps, or being the sassy little queen that I can be, you are always there for me and that is something you should be proud of. If everyone in the world had their own version of you, this place would be so much more colorful and so much happier. We can only aim to inspire I guess, and you already do such an amazing job at that.

Anyone who meets you can feel it right away. There is this magic about you that I’ve never experienced from anyone else. You are true love expressing itself in the human experience. You are the epitome of beauty, inside and out. You are the biggest blessing to happen in my incredibly blessed life, and there’s no argument that could ever disprove that statement. Your love is truly the only thing I need to get through the toughest storms life has to throw our way. In return, I will spend every day doing my best to make sure that every ounce of your love is appreciated and cherished. I will always be here for you, and I will always be by your side. On the darkest nights and the sunniest of days, I will be your best friend, your soulmate, your lover and your partner for as long as my heart is pumping blood through my veins.

Thank you, Alexandra Sage Budgell, I love you.

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Ma-lig-nant /məˈliɡnənt/

- (adjective) malevolent. (of a disease) very virulent or infectious. As silly as it may sound, I had no idea what that word meant until January 10th of this year. It's been 5 months (and one day) sin

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